Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Changes, Cancer and Closure...

As most of you know..i have changed over the past year! most of you say its all for the good..people like me then..but am more likeable today..but at what price did i hafta pay for achieving this new found persona?! il tell you..the pain of not having the one thing you have always wanted..and it kills you every damn day knowing that you have no chance in getting what you wish for every night before you go to sleep..or even at daytime and constantly it's in your mind and you think of things that you know will never means of bein temporarily forget the one thing..but after all was said and find yourself alone and doin nothin..and slowly the thing that you want to get over from..comes back and destroys all the happy moments when you were busy and replacing it not with bad moments..but much worst..the feelings of the past when you were happy and the thought of not having what you want..which is much take any blows or scratches any time of the day..because i know in a couple of'll heal..but that kind of wounds will take a lifetime just to heal!! just like the song says: there is always something there to remind me.." you stroll along the mall and you see the resto you guys ate specifically remember what she ordered and how many straws did she use..or the dvd release of the movie you went out to see with her..or just a simple store you walked in and saw this perfect top that would be perfect for her..walking past a coffee shop and a stream of flashbacks and countless fun times are thrown into you..enjoying a friend's party and the host takes out a familiar cake..turns out twas her favorite when you guys were still going out..memories, memories and memories..will it ever stop? will you ever be cured?!

The agony of waiting and hoping is like cancer..slowly eating you deep inside and in a matter of moments..your dead! contrary to popular beliefs..Rebounds are never the answer!! you fall into a trap of misery and you just cant get out even if you try your best..take for instance my closest of them still dwells over last summer..his summer love..but for me..ts more of a "summer tragedy" rather than summer romance..this guy is strong..but the mighty have fallen with a statement, lies and 1 angry boyfriend..he hides his troubled self with comments and other twas another memory for most of us..but i can see it in him that ts goin to take more than "pechy" to cure and resurrect his old self..another friend who happens to be really happy for the first 3 years i have met him..but his world was shattered when the love of his life left him to die in the abyss of singleness..ouch! i even felt the pang of his frustrations and his defeat to another guy..he says he's okay..and yes i believe him..but knowing him..up to now..if she returns, he'll accept her in a that is true love! removing the shallowness can sense the longingness and wretchedness in this two guys! i feel for you..and yes we have to move on..yes i know forgetting is never an option..give me one good instance that you forgot the love of your life..and hoping for a chance will always linger in your mind..this things will never leave just need to learn how to live with it..

And yet there will always be a time..that will end, not all of your misery but more of a pain reliever..just like never kills the cancer..but it makes the pain bearable..that is when you finally get your closure..the feeling is unexplainable..closures are never fun..if you receive closure..then the things you hoped for didnt go as means you will hafta settle for somethin..which is fine..if you really care for this person that much..then you will take whatever she hands to you..if friendship is the only thing she can offer you..then by all means take it..rather than swimming in the sea of misery and depression..a lifesaver of companionship will help you survive all of even if closures are is the only thing that will somewhat cure you and set your life back to is only in closure that we find ourselves escaping from the desolate world of for people like strong..ts so easy to say yet ts so hard to may never get what you have always wanted..but dwell on the fact..that somehow without that one thing..your life would be the same boring routine and uninteresting..and the fact that once in your life you felt happiness..even if its just for a short period of is still happiness.. ;)

--> Wrote this in September 2005

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