Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Changes, Cancer and Closure...

As most of you know..i have changed over the past year! most of you say its all for the good..people like me then..but am more likeable today..but at what price did i hafta pay for achieving this new found persona?! il tell you..the pain of not having the one thing you have always wanted..and it kills you every damn day knowing that you have no chance in hell..in getting what you wish for every night before you go to sleep..or even at daytime and constantly it's in your mind and you think of things that you know will never happen..by means of bein busy..you temporarily forget the one thing..but after all was said and done..you find yourself alone and doin nothin..and slowly the thing that you want to get over from..comes back and destroys all the happy moments when you were busy and replacing it not with bad moments..but much worst..the feelings of the past when you were happy and the thought of not having what you want..which is much worst..id take any blows or scratches any time of the day..because i know in a couple of days..it'll heal..but that kind of wounds will take a lifetime just to heal!! just like the song says: there is always something there to remind me.." you stroll along the mall and you see the resto you guys ate at..you specifically remember what she ordered and how many straws did she use..or the dvd release of the movie you went out to see with her..or just a simple store you walked in and saw this perfect top that would be perfect for her..walking past a coffee shop and a stream of flashbacks and countless fun times are thrown into you..enjoying a friend's party and the host takes out a familiar cake..turns out twas her favorite when you guys were still going out..memories, memories and memories..will it ever stop? will you ever be cured?!

The agony of waiting and hoping is like cancer..slowly eating you deep inside and in a matter of moments..your dead! contrary to popular beliefs..Rebounds are never the answer!! you fall into a trap of misery and you just cant get out even if you try your best..take for instance my closest friends..one of them still dwells over last summer..his summer love..but for me..ts more of a "summer tragedy" rather than summer romance..this guy is strong..but the mighty have fallen with a statement, lies and 1 angry boyfriend..he hides his troubled self with comments and other girls..now twas another memory for most of us..but i can see it in him that ts goin to take more than "pechy" to cure and resurrect his old self..another friend who happens to be really happy for the first 3 years i have met him..but his world was shattered when the love of his life left him to die in the abyss of singleness..ouch! i even felt the pang of his frustrations and his defeat to another guy..he says he's okay..and yes i believe him..but knowing him..up to now..if she returns, he'll accept her in a heartbeat..now that is true love! removing the shallowness aside..you can sense the longingness and wretchedness in this two guys! i feel for you..and yes we have to move on..yes i know forgetting is never an option..give me one good instance that you forgot the love of your life..and hoping for a chance will always linger in your mind..this things will never leave you..you just need to learn how to live with it..

And yet there will always be a time..that will end, not all of your misery but more of a pain reliever..just like chemo..it never kills the cancer..but it makes the pain bearable..that is when you finally get your closure..the feeling is unexplainable..closures are never fun..if you receive closure..then the things you hoped for didnt go as planned..it means you will hafta settle for somethin..which is fine..if you really care for this person that much..then you will take whatever she hands to you..if friendship is the only thing she can offer you..then by all means take it..rather than swimming in the sea of misery and depression..a lifesaver of companionship will help you survive all of this..so even if closures are scary..it is the only thing that will somewhat cure you and set your life back to normal..it is only in closure that we find ourselves escaping from the desolate world of melancholy..so for people like us..be strong..ts so easy to say yet ts so hard to instill..you may never get what you have always wanted..but dwell on the fact..that somehow without that one thing..your life would be the same boring routine and uninteresting..and the fact that once in your life you felt happiness..even if its just for a short period of time..it is still happiness.. ;)

--> Wrote this in September 2005

School Orgs, Senior Year & Busyness

Being busy is something that I needed to feel. I have changed for the past year and the new me, I think is much, much better than the old me. I mean, I am more school-oriented nowadays and more friendly than I was before; and my friends can attest to that. You see, your first impression of me will probably be "suplado," which I don’t deny. Hey, you just gotta know me to know me..nywey back to busyness..first semester is almost over and what a semester it is..well 4 weeks and countin..and ts my last semester in school..imagine that! finally leaving the den..well hopefully..only a certain bitch stands in my way of marching in march..why the busyness?! because i started participating in school activities and active in school organizations..i thank Ryan Skalaw for givin me a position in his org..dun wory dude..ts gonna be interestin..hehe!! in this org..am meeting people..not just people but friends..and this friends are a breath of fresh air..after what happened to my kada..we havent exactly did nythn that will prove a point in school..but were workin on it..promise members and school community..we will make a difference..we have to!! hahaha..ts kinda scary since the current year being my senior year in college..almost over..almost done! and its true..ts scary to graduate! the responsibilities will be serious and there wont be dean's listers to back you up..that i can manage..since i am great..hehe..but havin to wake up every day and not go to Mendiola will be a very weird feeling for me..for 15 years i've been doin that..and in a couple of months my only view of Mendiola is if some idiots tries and tries to ruin our country with their protestings and rallies..most of all i will miss the people inside the den! we were actually talking about what would everyone feel after taking our final exam in the second semester, the last subject exam and signing our exam release form..for the last time..it would be very emotional..recently just had our retreat and the team building session was quite emotional..no one cried..but you can feel the sense of togetherness and brotherhood of everyone..that is why ts scary to graduate..i am rily rily gonna miss my ABE!! that is why i keep myself busy in school today and spend much time with the boys..so to my new friends..lower years and batchmates..ThnX for making the first half of my senior year..fun and memorable..hope that til the end..the fun will never stop!! oh yeah..3rd street na!!!

--> Posted way back in September 2005

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Top Ten Summer Moments of 2005

Here…as promised…are my Top Ten Summer Moments of 2005..mapa-nega or posi…they’re all memorable!! So, with no further adoOo:

10. Last day of Junior Year in School..Erwin's Bday celebration at Tapika..started y'know what!! [March 18, 2005]
9. Driving Lessons at Sucat..oh yeah!! [last week of March]
8. Certain realizations of certain personal stuff!! [all thru out summer]
7. March Twenty sumthn conversation wid a Friend..intense eh!! [March 20-sumthn]
6. Movie dates with my Friends..all of the summer movies rocks!! [all thruout summer]
5. End of the Summer everyday gimmicks with a friend!! [last 2 weeks of May and first 2 weeks of June]
4. StarWars Episode III:Revenge of the Sith movie screening/reunion with my HighSchool Kada..we were complete!! [May 20]
3. Equitable PCI Bank OJT experience..[April 18-May 28]
2. Breakfast Supersize guesting with my bestbud Cy..in their segment Atomic Bam..i look good on TV!! [April 29]
1. StarBucks West Ave..nuff said!! [April 19]

You see...Summer of 2005 was the best ever...t'was a very interesting season with lots of new experiences...I just don't see any season this year that’ll top it. Maybe Christmas…but I don't think so...unless...well, Santa brings me better present this year!!

--> Original post: June, 2005

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Summer Season Finale

Okay…not really a finale..but you know what I mean. I’m sure I can’t write all the things that I need to write about summer here so just wait for the next blog. I’ll prepare it first for everyone's enjoyment!! Hehehe... Well, all I can say is…"THIS IS BY FAR THE BEST SUMMER EVER!!" in all of my 19 years of living. This summer season rocks!! Big time!! All the elements of a great and interesting summer…all happened! Whatta way to spend my last summer vacation. Why?! Maybe because, I’m gonna graduate next year..(hopefully)

Ingredients of this perfect summer: exposures, corporate environment, non-stop parties, everyday gimiks, new found personas that I possess, realizations, gotten closer with friends--these could go on and on and on! I swear I’ll write all them things...be it positive or negative…on my next blog! I am just not in the mood to reflect right now!!

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the end: classes start!! Yay! Really excited!! Alto’ my first class will be led by a certain "Darth Anselm"...euuggghhh...need all the force powers and training I mastered through the years to overcome that Sith Lord!! Hehehe…May the Force be with Me!!

It’s gonna be an interesting year!! My last school year!! My SEƑORITO year!!!!
--> This blog was posted June of 2005

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Episode III : Revenge of the Seats

So thus it ends...the Star Wars experience. The hype was overwhelming. It should be. It's the last one! The big one! The end, and what an end it was! Since I am a self-confessed Star Wars aficionado, I, of course, have "Force-sensitive" friends. Back in 2002..opening day of Attack of the Clones..we were there!! made a pact after the movie that when Episode III comes out..us 4 would be the first ones to view it!! 3 years later..the pact was honored..even tho' i spent hundreds of pesos SMSing and calling these creeps..(kelangan pa magpapilit eh..oy style co un!!).they didnt disappoint me!! we did get to see Episode III together!! complete!! i know everyone's busy..but i really appreciate them for taking time from their lying around the house and coming to Greenbelt 3 last May 20!! once again..Thanks..

Altough..our get-together was not spared by jinxes and stupidity by yours truly..i misread our viewing time from our tickets..since i was the one who reserved it..the day before..show time was 5:30 and all along i thought t'was 5:55..missed 30 mins of starwars history..damn!!! my bad!! anyway i dun wana critique Episode III yet..since i haven't watched it completely..but based from what i saw..a big standing O to mr.Lucas!! again..the fans were not disappointed..great battle scenes and awesome FXs..160 bucks worth it!!

After the movie..we went to dinner at Krocodile's Grille in GB3..my minsan-lang-magpakita-at-magparamdam-at-kelangan-pa-umuwi-ng-maaga-friend already left..right after the movie..but that didnt stop us from makin the most out of the night..stories were told..(actually stories were rare..no one wanted to open up! secretive bastards!!) and food were served..afterwards we decided to stroll along the strip to help us decide on what to do!! one of the least persons i expect to see..we saw..aaahh!! for friendly reasons..i cant divulge..anyway!! one word to describe.."ENCHANTING!!" hehe..the night went on..with star-sightings..my newsmaker-friend wasnt jaded at all..and even tried to get his picture taken with Maverick..tough-luck..he failed!! and there was commercial models, tv models, ad models everyone who's everyone was there that night..if only my FFO said yes..went wid us..the night wudve been complete!! (next tym wag na mahihiya ha..harmless kme..HS friends yan..kung college di kita isasama!!)

HIGHLIGHTS of the day:
1. Reunion of my High School kada..we never were complete at gimmiks for more than 2 years!!
2. Viewin’ of STARWARS Episode III:Revenge of the Sith
3. Met an old enchanted friend

No more StarWars..so guys..please dont wait another 2 years for us to gather again!!
--> Original post from May, 2005