Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I Want My Life Back!

Funny how i am already complaining about life when i am only 20 years old..well, it wasn't always like this..i used to be happy with everything..i was contented..i have a cool family, rockin friends, loving girl, and i have my school..

April 01, 2006..a milestone, as many people would say, happens..i graduated college. Now, for some, this is really an achievement, and fact of the matter is, it is! Perhaps, graduating from college, as many of you would put it, marks the beginning of the life of one person.. Sure, i believe it..until you start looking for work.. Trust me..looking for work ain't something to look forward to..(to the undergraduates..i am not telling you to dread your graduation day, but rather, enjoy the time you have left with your friends and peers in school)

As I've said, i was happy and contented..that is..until..i started working. I consider my work to be a filler while i look for real stable job.. No complains whatsoever with what i'm doing even if it's somewhat routinary.. The office folks are great.. It's like being back in school again.. And you even have to compete for grades.. But when the inevitable happened..i started loathing everything..and i mean everything! My schedule was shifted in the afternoon.. For some, this is a dream come true.. You don't have to wake up early, you get to save `cause your expenses would only just be for transportation and merienda, and in our office, mid-shifts are the down time.. There aren't a lot of work to be accomplished in the mid-shift! And the surprising thing is..i am actually doing good in my job.. i rank at performances and even receive excellent ratings for my job.. i know these luxuries..and i am slightly benefitting from them.. but what i have to give up is unbearable..even for me! TIME..yes, time! You see..i also have work on Saturdays..and that day is supposed to be my Me-time and time for leisure.. Of course, if your shift falls in the afternoon..then that day is practically useless.. Time has really affected my relationship.. A week will not pass by without fights and possible break-ups.. Is it normal: yes! Is it bearable: no! it's not only my relationship that's affected.. even my family time suffers.. i have to fit in people now.. and i am a person who do not like schedules.. can you believe that everything in my life right now is planned? that is so not me.. i like being surprised and not being in a routine.. but now, in order to exist and at least see everyone close to me smile, i have to give exact time and days that i'll be able to see and be with them.. I hate that.. whatever happened to spontaneity? back in school..when we wanted to go out..a venue and time would be sufficient.. Now, you have to ask your friends in advance and give a week's notice before you get an answer.. That's another thing that sucks.. You dont get to see your college friends as much anymore.. All those promises that you all will go out at least once a month and keep in! Not counting of course those joke quotes and funny messages they send once in a while.. But that's nothing compared to the bonding moments you have when you guys go out together.. And, of course, my relationship. We're on the brink of breaking up..and neither one of us can't find any solution for this conflict. It's not's the situation.. How i wish that statement is the reality.. Yes, we may blame the situation and my job and her schoolwork..but if we're really that into each other..this "time" thing won't cause this much damage..

I love her..and she's worth it..but the obstacles and all things negative is really making it hard for her to believe that.. i am going against my family sometimes just to make things work..and that's okay for me.. i know what i'm doing is questionable, but who cares, i know the consequences of my actions.

I want what i used to have with family, friends, and Nunee..
This is my birthday be able to be the Timmy i was..
I don't wana give up anyone or anything..
But somehow..i just might..

--> More current one, tis’ from January of this year

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