Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Forgotten in 2011 Part III

Part III of Forgotten in 2011: Conclusion. 2011 went by so fast I hardly even noticed it happening. Like I said, it’s a good year but I don’t think it will have its own volume in my history books. If there’s one thing that I’m taking away from last year, it’s I grew up in 2011.

Along with turning 25 is the inevitable quarter-life crisis. I anticipated it, and prepared myself for it. And it happened. I questioned my purpose of existence, I felt the abandonment of my friends, I’m not in the state that I know I should be and I was constantly alone. All these symptoms I’ve experienced, and in able for me to cope with all the stress, I had to grow up. So I did.

Maybe because I believed 25 is old, so I started acting my age, dressing my age and dealing with situations in a mature manner. I understood things better. And by doing so, I was somewhat successful in my 2011 resolution. I did not find happiness but I did lessen my anger. Maybe I did not completely eliminate all my resentments but I’m getting there.

But loneliness, that’s something I should work on for this new year. You know, I actually know the solution for this one. It’s so easy. If only it were up to me. But alas, I can only hope and wish that things actually go my way this year. But not too much. I may be all smiles but getting disappointed is never fun.

Might as well write it and ask for it: please, please, please let me get what I want this year.

While I’m in my right state of mind, here are some things I want to do in 2012. I’ma be healthy, by eating right and lessening things that ain’t good for me. I want to enroll in a gym actually. It’s just, I’m not yet that convinced to shell out that much. Maybe second half of the year. Here’s what I should do for 2012. I need to let my guard down and start living. Lessen my rationalizing and calculating everything. It’s not sexy. Haha!

Seriously, I’m ending it here. To finally conclude, here are the 10 hashtags to describe 2011: #ABANDONMENT, #ALONE, #BELONGINGNESS, #CLARITY, #COMICS, #FALLING, #FASHION, #MATURED, #RESPONSIBLE, #WAIVERING. (--,)

Monday, January 2, 2012

Forgotten in 2011 Part II

Part II of Forgotten in 2011. As promised, I am going to indulge you with the insignificant but you’re going to read them anyway activities of mine for 2011. Let’s start with...

January: a good friend got married and I actually caught the bride’s garter. Cool, right? Had my mind was clear and I was actually there in my A-game. Unfortunately, someone decided to stay in my head and refuses to leave. Also, I threw a grand party to celebrate my 25th year of existence. It was fun. It was the first time I was able to bring together all my circles: high school kada, some of the boys, village kids and office all-stars. I gots to admit, it was a blast. By the way, it was in January that I tried to “grab a spoon.” I failed.

February: Month of the hearts. Not that I joined the festivities. Too busy fixing my own. I, however, found myself and the T&C All-Stars on the sands of Puerto Galera. Awesome, is what it was. Made a fool of myself by trying water sports. City boy here. Not to be used for water. As if I needed more awkwardness. But I found that I am a very responsible friend in this trip. And, hello, iPhone 4.

March: Third time’s a charm. Or so I hoped. Not even flashy confectioneries worked. I think it was in March that I finally started to see things clearly.

April: April was awesome. Busy month: Hannah’s Italian birthday; Mendiola Holy Week homecoming for me, Diana and Mary Grace and tour for Dinah; Nuvali tour for the Venturas courtesy of Uncle Petes and late dinner at Tagaytay during Good Friday; and T&C’s Highest of Fives, fifth year anniversary of our “beloved” account. The spoon-grabbing was absent this month.

May: The long-awaited, years-in-the-making April MeanBoys celebration finally happened. My best buds: Cyrus, Lawrence and Ralph’s joint birthday bash at Astoria Plaza. It was in this event that I realized that we weren’t that group of idiots who will always be there for each other. We are grownups now. Most of us needs to be home for their families and others have someone waiting for them. I was the only one left to spend the night with Cy and Aimee. Very sad, I know. And the happy couple would have preferred to be “alone.” Sorry, guys. Ha-ha. It did not end there. Merville celebrated its annual fiesta and the village kids had their after-party here at our clubhouse: good times. My adorable cousin Bea also had her ballet recital at Ateneo. Clubbing night at Seventh High for a Cosmo event courtesy of one of my favorite in-law, Pau. I was so totally cured of the infatuation. I thought.

June: Being that my friends are now living their own lives and I am totally “over” my predicament, I had to find something to keep myself sane. And that’s where I turned over to the geek side: comic books. My second half of 2011 was dedicated to reading and starting a small collection of comic books. I’ve always liked it but was never really this serious. Say what you want to say, but it really made me happy and kept my sanity intact. Oh, and Dallas Mavericks got their first NBA championship at the expense of Miami Heat.

July: Only three things comes to mind: the end of the Harry Potter films, NBA players visits Manila and Iya’s despedida. Iya finally had her U.S. application granted and by the end of this month, left for California to stay with Ninang Cathy and the family. The NBA visit semi-brought out the 2005 me. Then again, I think it’s already an annual thing. I’m gonna go through that every year but it won’t last very long.

August: Marked my five years working in my company. Half a decade, who would have thought? A milestone, I’m sure; but considered an achievement, on the fence. My dreams will never come to fruition if I stay here for another five years. Spicy Fingers became my favorite Happy Hour hangout in this month. And sadly, I missed this year’s VanessaPalooza because of typhoon Mina, who caused a lot of damage up north. With the departure of Iya, lots of changes in the household.

September: Ah, yes. September. The king of months. The one month I can always count on. Important people celebrating their birthdays. And it always delivers. Mom and I celebrated her birthday at Manila Ocean Park. She always wanted to go there so we finally did. Cool place. And of course, Bes’ annual birthday bash: the party of parties! The one event where we go all out and we go home with smiles on our faces. It was definitely a night to remember, and let’s just leave it at that. For months, I tried very hard to be all rational and to not open that door. After that awesome night, I turned the knob.

October: Look. I was in my very-hopeful-and-happy-but-utterly-na├»ve mode by this time. I laughed at my first quarter of 2011 self. I cannot believe I was that person. Here’s someone new who is more in my league. Challenging and complicated, yes; but someone who I’ll be able to relate to more. But after a few weeks and one special occasion, my pal failure comes a’knockin’ yet again. But what’s this? An actual MeanBoys nightout took place this month. AJ’s daughter, Ajee, celebrated her 2nd birthday and most of the boys were there. Nightout ensues after the party. I got lambasted by the boys for not being able to do anything when the opportunity presented itself. I told them there was nothing there. They did not buy it one bit. They just know me too well. Well, at least it got me thinking. Good thing Cy’s out of the country. And we certainly can’t forget, Back-to-back championships for my San Beda Red Lions, and I was there to witness the victory.

November: I think I finally accepted my fate of being alone and just decided to make the most out of it. I started not expecting from my friends, lessened my anger and resentment towards not having anyone, and just be awesome instead. I just realized, maybe Mom knew how I felt and planned this whole dine out in a new restaurant every weekend thing. It worked. I was actually enjoying her company and that abandonment feeling left me. Yes, expensive food is very therapeutic. Who says money can’t buy happiness? There was also this team bowling activity--that was fun. And just when I thought everything is going to be okay, the last day of this month proved otherwise.

December: Holiday season. Who doesn’t love Decembers? Fresh from the last day of November, that first-quarter me is back. It’s just the holidays. Then comes the team’s year-end party. I took point, so that the party will be awesome. That means, just like year, which really started it all, the vicious cycle will be repeating itself. But I’m not complaining. It’s just the holidays, right? The Party God made an appearance this month as his year-end party was a success. Also, I found love from my teammates. Suddenly, we ain’t this boring group of individuals anymore. We actually started going out, weekly, which I can honestly say one of the highlights of my year. They knew all along that my feelings never left me and I was just good at keeping it, and eventually it will return. Bastards! But it’s just the holidays. Oh, there are so many worthy moments for this month, but aside from the year-end, Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve, there was one particular night that made me very happy. Still, it was just the holidays. It was nothing. And let me contradict and be truthful to myself by saying, for me, it was everything. And I’m kinda carrying that feeling as of this writing. This month, Uncle Alex and family started to move in to their new mansion, so that’s where we celebrated Christmas and New Year’s Eve this year. The Holidays are so much better this year.

How many of your precious minutes did I waste? You’re welcome. Do not fret, there’s still part three, the conclusion of my year-end review. Wait for it. But don’t hold your breath for it.

It’s not just the holidays, after all... (--,)

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Forgotten in 2011 Part I

Abandoned. Kimberly asked me to describe 2011 with one word and I, without hesitation, Tweeted to her “abandoned.” Did I suffer through a breakup or got dumped? No. I would have welcomed the breakup over the abandonment issues I went through for this year in a heartbeat. Why abandoned? Emo much? Because “abandoned” sounds so much better than “napagiiwanan.”

What do you mean, “napagiiwanan?” In this time and age, when you reach mid-twenties, settling down is already an option. My titos and titas and family elders would raise their eyebrows with that statement. “Ang bata bata mo pa.” No, kins. I’m not. Sure, I’m years away from the ideal marrying age, but shouldn’t I at least be with someone I can possibly bring to that moment? “Darating din yan.” When? I’m in the peak of my life and I’m not having fun. When I’m old and wrinkled, when I look back at my prime, what will I see? A sad, young fool who never took a risk. Scary thought!

Again, what do you mean “napagiiwanan?” Exactly how it sounds. This year, even Erwin, the one friend we never got tired of making fun of that he’s gonna grow old alone, is in a committed relationship. Imagine my gasp and holy-fuck moment when he told me that he got his “Yes.” Hey, I’m very happy for my friend. I really am. He deserves to be happy, from all the crap he got over the years. But, how can I not be affected? Out of all the boys, I’m the only one who don’t need to ask permission from anyone with whatevers. Tomcat, the only remaining single schmuck from the bunch. I used to laugh at people my age who think their worlds are crumbling and they gonna die alone. Not so funny now that I’m in their shoes, huh?

What made it worse for me? The boys finally fixed their own personal priorities and became always unavailable. Out of 52 Fridays of 2011, I am probably home, very early, 45 of them. I really felt like I had no friends. It’s like seeing or hanging out with them is a luxury. Of course I had to understand. One by one they’re getting married and starting their own families. Can’t argue with that. But that doesn’t certainly make me feel better.

I did found new friends. From someone who is a regular in my writings. Her annual shindig is something I look forward to. Like I imagined, her friends are very cool. Albeit, young and wild, but that’s how I like my lifestyle. Or at least I did, until the latter part of the year. And their company and my delusion of actually being part of her circle lasted for a couple of months, enough for me to go all classic, yet again, with one of them. And we all know how I like them: complicated and impossible. As expected, it didn’t lead to anywhere. Not a big deal though, really. For she, um, well, she kinda plays both sides of the court.

2011 was supposed to be the turning point of my life. I told myself back in college that I should have earned my first million by the time I’m 25. Look, I did. Problem is, I’ve spent all of it over the years, while earning it. I should have been more specific. But what can I say? Our lives do not exactly turn out as we envisioned it back in school.

Okay. It’s not all bad. In fact, I actually view 2011 as a memorable and positive year. Compared to my friends who had lots of deaths in their families, major breakups that shook our whole worlds and just plain fucked up lives, I cannot complain.

I just had an epiphany. And that is I will split this year-end review into parts. Because I have so much I want to share but not enough time to get to all of them. So, kiddies, this is the first part. Tomorrow, let me indulge you with my monthly adventures, however insignificant they may be and how I can proudly say that I have matured in 2011. Happy New Year, loves! (--,)