Sunday, January 1, 2012

Forgotten in 2011 Part I

Abandoned. Kimberly asked me to describe 2011 with one word and I, without hesitation, Tweeted to her “abandoned.” Did I suffer through a breakup or got dumped? No. I would have welcomed the breakup over the abandonment issues I went through for this year in a heartbeat. Why abandoned? Emo much? Because “abandoned” sounds so much better than “napagiiwanan.”

What do you mean, “napagiiwanan?” In this time and age, when you reach mid-twenties, settling down is already an option. My titos and titas and family elders would raise their eyebrows with that statement. “Ang bata bata mo pa.” No, kins. I’m not. Sure, I’m years away from the ideal marrying age, but shouldn’t I at least be with someone I can possibly bring to that moment? “Darating din yan.” When? I’m in the peak of my life and I’m not having fun. When I’m old and wrinkled, when I look back at my prime, what will I see? A sad, young fool who never took a risk. Scary thought!

Again, what do you mean “napagiiwanan?” Exactly how it sounds. This year, even Erwin, the one friend we never got tired of making fun of that he’s gonna grow old alone, is in a committed relationship. Imagine my gasp and holy-fuck moment when he told me that he got his “Yes.” Hey, I’m very happy for my friend. I really am. He deserves to be happy, from all the crap he got over the years. But, how can I not be affected? Out of all the boys, I’m the only one who don’t need to ask permission from anyone with whatevers. Tomcat, the only remaining single schmuck from the bunch. I used to laugh at people my age who think their worlds are crumbling and they gonna die alone. Not so funny now that I’m in their shoes, huh?

What made it worse for me? The boys finally fixed their own personal priorities and became always unavailable. Out of 52 Fridays of 2011, I am probably home, very early, 45 of them. I really felt like I had no friends. It’s like seeing or hanging out with them is a luxury. Of course I had to understand. One by one they’re getting married and starting their own families. Can’t argue with that. But that doesn’t certainly make me feel better.

I did found new friends. From someone who is a regular in my writings. Her annual shindig is something I look forward to. Like I imagined, her friends are very cool. Albeit, young and wild, but that’s how I like my lifestyle. Or at least I did, until the latter part of the year. And their company and my delusion of actually being part of her circle lasted for a couple of months, enough for me to go all classic, yet again, with one of them. And we all know how I like them: complicated and impossible. As expected, it didn’t lead to anywhere. Not a big deal though, really. For she, um, well, she kinda plays both sides of the court.

2011 was supposed to be the turning point of my life. I told myself back in college that I should have earned my first million by the time I’m 25. Look, I did. Problem is, I’ve spent all of it over the years, while earning it. I should have been more specific. But what can I say? Our lives do not exactly turn out as we envisioned it back in school.

Okay. It’s not all bad. In fact, I actually view 2011 as a memorable and positive year. Compared to my friends who had lots of deaths in their families, major breakups that shook our whole worlds and just plain fucked up lives, I cannot complain.

I just had an epiphany. And that is I will split this year-end review into parts. Because I have so much I want to share but not enough time to get to all of them. So, kiddies, this is the first part. Tomorrow, let me indulge you with my monthly adventures, however insignificant they may be and how I can proudly say that I have matured in 2011. Happy New Year, loves! (--,)

1 comment:

Kimmy said...

I can very much relate to the napag-iwanan sentiment and the hanging out with them is a luxury thing. Two of my girl friends are now married; one of them has a baby. Another one is engaged and will tie the knot this year. One of them is in a serious relationship. Dalawa na lang kaming single sa barkada. We are spending less and less time together, which really sucks.

I made new friends, too, and they're the ones I hang out with lately kasi nga busy ang mga tao. Ganun talaga pag nag-iiba na ang priorities sa buhay. Nakakapagtampo nga lang minsan hehe.